As we enter the Valentine’s season, I’d like to briefly share three principles I have learned that will make your marriage shine, sizzle and sought after.

Our first home was a 350 sq. foot duplex in “The Compound”– so named because the area consisted of 3 small homes and a duplex all occupied by single guys who worked at the same ski area as my husband.  I thought my new home, built out of cinderblock, was perfect.  Chris and I had our own place and were surrounded by great friends who respected me as a woman and us as a married couple.

Contrary to all we had heard, our first year of marriage was GREAT!  We loved being married.  We skied, biked, hung out with friends, and were really in love.  But then came the following years and life began to change.  I got a permanent job, Chris changed his, we bought a house and learned how to commute, and then at year 4.5 we added baby number 1.  Life became challenging.  No longer was marriage about having fun and hanging out, it now became filled with responsibility.  And, as the responsibilities grew so did the need for principal number one: build a FIRM FOUNDATION.

Prior to the birth of baby number three my husband and I took a weekend away.  Unbeknownst to both of us, God had been working on us separately and giving us a desire to cast a vision for our marriage.   At dinner my husband broached the vision casting idea.  I would have squealed had we not been at dinner because I, too, wanted to suggest that subject.  Immediately after dinner we went back to our room and began casting a vision for our marriage.  We became so excited that we then began formulating a family vision.

During your wedding you and your husband made a vow and commitment before God; a vow He doesn’t take lightly.  He didn’t flippantly say “A Man shall leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife and the two shall become one.”  Nowhere in that scripture does it say  “A man (or woman) shall leave their parents and cleave unto their spouse until they are disappointed, hurt or fall out of love.”  There will be times when you will be disappointed or you will look at your spouse and feel nothing- for days, weeks or even months.  There will be times when you will hurt, which is why it is crucial to cast a vision for what your marriage will look like in 20 years.

The second principal is FANTASTIC ROMANCE.  After having two daughters I have made a very unscientific assertion:  the desire to be pretty, sought after, and romanced is a natural part of who a woman is. Just as women naturally desire to be pretty, men have natural desires- most namely sex.  I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking that there just isn’t enough time in the day to do everything, let alone have intimate energy.  So what are we to do?  I have two suggestions:

• Plan and Prepare

For many women, planning simply means thinking about intimacy during the day, which gets our minds and bodies ready.  Going beyond the thoughts we can begin to formulate small evening plans like:

• Putting the kids down to bed earlier than normal.
• Getting the kids a video that they can watch while mom and dad go “chat”.

Preparing might mean:

• Having candles lit in the bedroom
• Calling a friend and ask if the kids can stay the night at their house.  Then preparing a meal, or getting take-out, and have an in-home date.

Ladies, a lot of times romance is up to us, which means we get to chart the course.  Instead of wishing to be romanced, create romance that will teach your husband and that will then help you feel pretty, sought after and romanced.

I’ve saved the best and hardest principle for last- FORGIVE.  Extending forgiveness and being willing to forgive are the hardest acts you will have to do in marriage.  But—they are the most necessary.  Forgiveness requires letting go of our pain and bitterness.  It requires a desire to heal the pain rather than dwell on the pain of the past.

Forgiveness is work and involves four stages:

• Identify our hurt and pain.
• Confess our sin to God.
• Begin to respect the one who hurt us or who we hurt and ask for their forgiveness.
• Move forward in freedom

Ladies, marriage is the hardest, most rewarding journey you will ever take.  It is full of Comedy and Commiserating, Disappointments and Delights, and Fun and Failure.  But, if you actively seek to learn more about marriage and your spouse by reading, attending seminars, going away for weekends, you will not be sorry.  Seek out an older couple who can mentor you.  Learn the art of building a Firm Foundation, creating Fantastic Romance and giving Forgiveness and you will experience the greatest joy you will experience on this earth.

Unlike most, however, for me January has not represented new beginnings or renewal.  Instead, January has stretched out as a cold month, a long month, a month with no breaks.  One day while lamenting to my mother about the month of January, I joked that God had given me my first born in January because he new how much I dreaded the month—at least my son’s birthday represented a celebration!

After hearing me lament, my mom imparted to me a piece of wisdom.  Mom had recently had a major surgery and had been quite nervous about it.  As she found herself sinking into fear and despair (as I tend to do in January) she decided to change her mindset by going shopping—for new undergarments.  I stopped mom right there and asked if she really wanted to tell me more!  She continued with her story.  She went to the mall and shopped for just the right undergarments.  After paying for the new black undergarments she felt her spirits begin to lift.  She wore those items into the hospital and felt not fear, but foxy!

My mouth hit the floor!  My 70 year old mom wore black into the operating room!  But that wasn’t her point.  Her point was simply this- it doesn’t take much to lift your spirits and mindset; a simple change of undergarments can do the trick.

I’ve thought often about what her wisdom means to my life and I’ve had to ask myself what “undergarments” do I need to switch out for new ones?  Three over-used, raggy “undergarments” came to mind:  food, fitness and finances.

Undergarments serve three purposes: they lift us up, keep us modest, and protect.   I contemplated my three raggy undergarments in view of their original purpose.  My food undergarment had quit protecting me.  Over the last few months’ food had become something I didn’t think about.  Instead of being watchful and protecting my good health, I had indulged and forgotten the warnings from the Bible about over-indulgence and lack of self-control.  Proverbs 25:28 states this about lack of self-control, “Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.”  Ouch!  I don’t want the walls of good health to be broken down due to indulgence.  1 Peter 5:8 explains why it is so important to be self-controlled, “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” I want to protect myself and my health from Satan’s devouring mouth; therefore, I’ve determined to put on a new food “undergarment”.

I also noticed that my fitness “undergarment” didn’t lift me up as it once did.  It is a hard practice to do, but I’ve started occasionally looking at my body in the mirror, assessing what parts needed lifting.  I noticed all of my trigger areas were a bit saggy.  I know that my body is the temple of God, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own.”  1 Corinthians 6:19.  I’ve been to the gleaming temples in Europe and what I saw in the mirror did not reflect their majesty.  I also knew that not only were my pieces of the temple in need of some repair, but my attitude was as well.  I’ve often said that exercise releases my “happy endorphins.”  I’m sure there must be a scientific link to emotions and exercise, therefore I’ve decided that I will give not only my body a fitness lift, but my spirits as well.

I tried on my final “garment”, finances, and true to form, found it raggy.  Though I do many of the right things to keep my finances in check, I’ve found many areas where I am not modest.  I over-spend on my kids- not horribly, but I’ve found my midriff showing.  I over-spend my groceries—more than my midriff shows in this area!  In this modern day culture being financially modest is actually being exalted.  Since when is modesty cheered?  Proverbs 13:11 offers encouragement about taking the slow and steady approach to money, “Dishonest money dwindles away, but he who gathers money little by little makes it grow.”  We’ve all seen the effects of an immodest financial life through the financial collapse our world has experienced.  1 Timothy 6:10 warns of the effects of living immodestly,  “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs”.  I want to exchange my frayed financial “undergarment” for one that knows boundaries and is happy to keep everything within those boundary walls.

So how are your undergarments?  Do you need a lift this January?  I challenge you to take the “Undergarment Challenge” and replace your old undergarments for new ones that will protect, lift you up, and keep you modest.

This is the opening stanza to my favorite Christmas song.  Picture it the night is calm, serene, quiet—holy.  Stars shine bright, expectant, waiting.  And then it happens, our Savior—our Dear Savior—is born.   He is born to free us from the bondage of sin.  His is born to bring salvation to those who will accept it.  He is born to die.

“Long lay the world in sin and error pining, Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.  A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices, for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.”

Jesus came to lift the weary world and bring a new and glorious morn.  He came to give us worth.   Our world is weary.  We are weary of an economy that isn’t “un-slumping”.  We are weary of seeing friends and neighbors lose houses and jobs.  We are weary of negative news and making tough decisions.  The words of this song, “A thrill of hope” make us question what hope is and we wonder what a glorious morn looks like and our worth lies in the shambles our lives have become.

“The King of kings lay thus in a lowly manger, in all our trials born to be our Friend; He knows our need, to our weakness is no stranger.”

Here is the “thrill of hope”–Jesus knows about our low bank accounts, our rebellious children and our strained marriages.  He knows that the bank is foreclosing on our home and we are barely able to feed our families.  Jesus knows our grief.  That is why he was born in a lowly stable.; an unsanitary, smelly stable with no one around to support his earthly parents.  Jesus knows trials—He was born in trials.   This is why He can be our friend, our support, encourager and help during our own trials.  He gives us worth because He does not judge as the world judges.

“Truly He taught us to love one another; His law is love and His gospel is peace; Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother, and in His name all oppression shall cease.”

Do you hear it?  Do you hear the hope, the excitement, the promise in these words?  He taught us to love each other by leaving his Heavenly home.  He taught us to love one another by sweating blood when He pleaded that the cross be taken from Him.  He was born to break the chains of guilt, unforgiveness, and addiction. His birth brought and continues to  bring peace to our lives.  When we call on His name and cling to His promise of peace, oppression that entangles will fade.

“Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus rise we,  Let all within us praise His holy name.”

When the chains are broken, when oppression ceases how can we do anything except sing joyfully to Jesus, our Savior born in a lowly manger?  And why do we sing praises?  For this reason:

“Christ is the Lord, His pow’r and glory evermore proclaim.”

Christ is our Lord.  He sees the sin and the hurt.  He knows our grief and worries.  He came one starlit night to lift us out of the lowly stable that our life sometimes becomes into His glorious power and might.

As we enter into Christmas week my hope and prayer is that each one of us take time to really think about the Holy Night that Jesus came.  Christmas isn’t just about gathering with family, eating all the foods we know we shouldn’t or waiting to open the gifts.  It’s about looking at the gift that can be opened anytime—Jesus.  If you have not opened the gift of Jesus perhaps now would be a good time to unwrap it.  Jesus came into this world as a baby.  He learned how to sit up, crawl and eat just like all babies do.  However, unlike all babies, toddlers, children and adults, Jesus lived a sinless life. Jesus knew the ridicule of friends and the worries of life (Matthew 6:31-34).  Jesus knew what it meant to have a friend turn against Him (Luke 22:1-6). He experienced the death of a beloved friend (Matthew 26:14-16).  Jesus experienced life, which makes Him compassionate to our life.  Jesus is not out to get us, rather, he is loving, kind, and desires the best for us (Joel  2:13).  Unwrap the gift of Jesus this Christmas season.  Ask Jesus to come in to your life and heart.  There is no junk that will make Him turn His back on you.  Begin a new life this Christmas season.

If you know Jesus as your Savior, how are you doing in your walk with Him?  Has He become something you bring out on Sunday morning or is He a part of your daily life?  Do you go to Jesus and live in His “glorious Morn”?  Do you love as He taught us to love?  Have you allowed Him into the chained places of your heart so that you can experience His peace?  This Christmas season renew your love for and commitment to Jesus- live in the “Thrill of hope” that He brings to our life.

Merry CHRISTmas, my friends.  May you each have a blessed Season.

They lived in a small cottage.  The cottage was in a poor part of town, but it was much better than the place they had when Mary had given birth to her son.  Still Mary wondered how they would survive for they only had food enough for a few days.  A knock sounded on the door bringing Mary out of her worrisome reverie.  She rose to answer it and noticed her son raising his arms to her.  He wanted to be held.  Mary scooped the boy up as she walked to the door, never imagining how her life was about to change.

The knock sounded again and Mary opened the door and gasped.  Before her stood the most magnificently adorned man she had ever seen.  Behind him were other men equally adorned.  Mary speechlessly stepped back from the door and the men entered the humble home.  They saw the child and fell to their knees.  They offered up prayers before this child for they knew He was the One whom they had been seeking.  Mary’s knees went weak and she sunk to the first and only available chair.  She bowed her head, resting it upon her son’s warm head and tears fell.  Mary had known from conception that this son was special.  The journey of carrying Him to full term had been arduous .   She and her husband had endured ridicule and shame, but they had together brought this Child into the world and now before her were the most impressive men she had ever seen worshipping her Son.

As if that weren’t enough, the men, after worshipping, offered her gifts.  These gifts were far beyond anything she had ever been presented with for they were gifts fit for a King.  The first man held out with bowed head the gift of gold.  Mary took it, in awe that her worries about provision were suddenly gone.    The next man held out a gift of frankincense.  Mary trembled as she took the gift.  Frankincense, Mary knew, was used as incense in worship services as well as a medicine.  These men knew the significant person Mary’s Son was and Mary became even more humbled.

As the second man stepped back and the third stepped forward Mary reeled with emotions.  Tears blurred her vision as the third gift was presented- myrrh, a balm used as both incense to burn as a fragrant offering and as an embalming spice.  The dual significance brought sobs to Mary as she realized the hard road her Son would journey upon.

The men rose from their knees and silently took their leave.  Their quest had been completed and they now had to return home in secrecy.  Their lives had been touched, perhaps even changed in the humble home of Mary and her Son.

Mary’s life had been changed too, for a short time later, she and her family fled to Egypt and were able to live there because of the gifts the three men had given her.  Mary lived in praise to Jesus for the blessing of her Son and the blessing of the gifts of the three men, for their gifts allowed provision for the family as they lived in exile.

This event happened over 2000 years ago, but the lessons are as applicable today as they were 2000 years ago.  Our world is in equally perilous times.  Evil surrounds, hard times prevail and worries keep many awake at night.  If you were to give the gift of Gold, what would that be?  The gold Mary received sustained her family.  What “gold” would sustain your family?  Gold comes in many forms: a hug to a child who has been naughty or a listening ear to a child who is sad or angry.  A favorite meal for your husband or a word of support and belief in his ability to provide for the family.    Perhaps a note in the mail to a friend who needs encouragement.  Our gifts of gold don’t need to cost money; they only need to provide sustenance for the day.

Consider frankincense.  Frankincense has both medicinal value as well as being a perfume.  This Christmas season how can you be either medicine or perfume to those around you?  Is someone hurting?  Give them medicine in the form of God’s word.  Do people in the midst of our consumer driven culture smell the heavenly scent of Jesus as you stand in the long checkout line?  Does your family know the peaceful smell of Jesus in your preparations or the acrid smell of grumbling and complaining?

Finally, what is your lasting impact of myrrh?  Myrrh takes the smell of death away.  Jesus is life giving.  Have you given that gift to someone else this season?  Are you allowing another to smell the sweet scents of death to self and life in Christ?

Mary worried for her family, but God provided so much more than she could have ever imagined.  As you travel through this sacred season, think of the gifts Mary received.  Remember the provision of God and know that He will provide for you as well.  May your gifts bring glory to Jesus this year.

Merry CHRISTmas.

Black Friday is my second favorite shopping day of the year.  I get energized being around the pandemonium and chaos.  I love hearing the music, getting my first Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha of the season, and finding the deals.  This year my family scored the deals and it was so much fun to rush from store to store with the ever burgeoning bags loading on to my arms.

Yet  this year I also found Black Friday sobering.  I looked around at the sometimes panic-driven crowds and wondered if it is all worth it.  I wondered if we had lost the foundation for Christmas in the haste to “make” Christmas.

The original trappings of Christmas didn’t include a mall or a sale or a perfectly decorated house.  Luke 2 wraps up the event of Christmas in 2 short verses:

4So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

The time came for the baby to be born, He was born, He was wrapped up.  That’s it.  There was no perfectly decorated house, there wasn’t even a house.  There was no sale or even gifts—those came later when Jesus was a toddler.

Jesus Birth was heralded by music—a heavenly chorus as a matter of fact.  But those that heard it hadn’t paid hundreds of dollars for a ticket, they hadn’t dressed up, they hadn’t even anticipated it.

8And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. 11Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ^[a] the Lord. 12This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

13Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, 14“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.”

As the Real event of Christmas has gotten historically further away our celebrations and gifts have become more elaborate—maybe even too elaborate.  I surveyed some friends to find out what their favorite Christmas gifts were and here are just a few:

“Last year when my husband bought me a present using his ‘jeep fund’ money he had been saving for a long time. It wasn’t the actual present, but the sacrifice behind it.”

“The news that Annelise was in your tummy! (seriously”)

“When I was in the 8th grade I got my first contact lenses (long ago, so these were “hard” lenses and a BIG deal!). I remember putting them in and looking out the window at the snow. I remember saying it looked like diamonds. It was like I’d never really seen before.”

Each of these gifts were gifts from the heart.  They were gifts of sacrifice and love.  They were gifts that mirrored the meaning of Christmas: Sacrifice, Love, hope.

Will you break from the current “bigger is better” thought of Christmas and choose to give sacrificially with love as our First Christmas present was given?

I am astounded, actually, that it is time to think about Thanksgiving.  As a child, it seemed that Thanksgiving and Christmas seemed so far away.  However, as an adult, well I can barely catch my breath from days at the beach before I have to start getting ready for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Last year I desired to put Christ first during the Christmas season and made a concerted effort to do so.  I planned, organized and gave up some expectations so that my family could enjoy the Christmas season.  What I didn’t do, though, was take time during the fall to think about and prepare for Thanksgiving by cultivating a thankful heart.  I’ve decided that having a thankful heart goes hand-in-hand with putting Christ first at Christmas.

How do we begin cultivating a thankful heart?  By following the advice of the first three lines from a classic praise song.

Give thanks with a grateful heart

Give thanks unto the Holy One

Give thanks because He’s given Jesus Christ, His Son

The first step in cultivating a thankful heart is by having a grateful heart.  What are you grateful for today?  Did you get a goodnight’s sleep?  Be grateful.  Did you have food for your family this morning?  Be grateful.  Did you get your child to school safely?  Be grateful.    Thankfulness begins by being grateful for the everyday things we sometimes take for granted.

The second step in cultivating a thankful heart is thanking Jesus- our Holy One.  Thank Jesus for coming to save us from ourselves.  Thank Jesus for putting us in America.  Thank Jesus for our children that we don’t deserve.  Thankfulness means taking our eyes off ourselves and putting them on the creator of all that is good- Jesus.

The third step is to thank God because He gave us His son.  I don’t know a mom who would willingly give up her child for people who wouldn’t appreciate them.  I know many mothers who would give up themselves for their child.  But God gave His child and for that we must Thank Him.

The book of Colossians spills over with exhortations to be thankful.  Colossians 2:7 says that we are to be “overflowing with thankfulness” (NIV).  In Colossians 3:17 we are to “be thankful.” (NIV) and Colossians 4:2 encourages us to, in addition to being watchful, “be thankful.”  (NIV)

Why are we to cultivate thankfulness in our life?  It is hard to concentrate on the good when it seems that bad surrounds us non-stop.  The answer is very simple as found in the last verse of the song I referenced earlier.    We are to be thankful “Because of what the Lord has done for us“.  That’s it.  There is nothing we experience or have that the Lord hasn’t had His hand in.  Be thankful in the sadness of death or the grief of infertility?  Yes.  Be thankful in the lost job or lost home?  Yes.  Be thankful in the child who is disrespectful and disobedient?  Yes.  Be thankful in everything because of the breath God has given us, the talents He has given us and the love He has given us.

This month as you prepare for Thanksgiving and then Christmas catch yourself being thankful.  Cut the grouchiness and give thanks for waking up.  Sever the annoyance in line with gratefulness that you can be in line.  I challenge you and myself to be infectious with Thankfulness to those around you.

I have noticed that the current uncertainty in our world has caused people to react in one of two ways: people either draw into themselves and their family and shut down or they find ways to escape.  My family falls in to the drawing in category.  We stay home more, eating in rather than out.  We’ve rediscovered movies that we own and have watched, rather than rented, them.  We listen to music on the internet rather than buy new music.  This is all a great thing.  We are saving money.  However, drawing in has also opened up more time to watch the news, read the newspaper and dwell on all the negative that is happening in our world.  This is a negative drawback of drawing in.

I didn’t realize that I had been absorbing so much negative until went to a women’s retreat last weekend.  For two days I “escaped” the uncertainty and focused not on what isn’t going right, but what God is doing.

Did you know that God knows what is going on down here?  Did you know that even though my plans seem to be derailed He still has a purpose for me, and you as well?  By allowing myself to focus on God and His care, love and goodness towards and for me, I became refreshed.

Friends, take a minute to ask yourself how are you feeling?  If you were to take a heart measure on your life would you be close to a heart attack or would you have years and years of good ticking left?  Have you drawn in too much?  Do you dwell on what isn’t going right rather than what is?

For those of you who are married, what is the pulse of your marriage?  My friends, Pam and Bill Farrel, have written a ground breaking book called The Marriage Code.  Times of uncertainty take a toll on marriages.  With the rise of stress comes the potential for the rise of arguments.  We must be on guard during this time.  Whether you’ve been married for 50 years or five months, all marriages are susceptible to breaking.  Rather than letting the stress break your marriage, take some time to learn the code for your marriage that will allow it to gleam in these dark, negative times.  As a matter of fact, for those who would like to find the Code for their Marriage, send me your name and a way you beat the negative from our world today.  The first person to do this will WIN a coy of The Marriage Code.

This week take a break.  Give your kids a hug, take a walk with your husband, chat on the phone about positive things with a friend.  Don’t allow the dark times to steal your joy and peace.  Give your body a break and find rest in the positive.

Friendship and women, two symbiotic words right?  Wrong!  I thought I was the only one who had a hard time making close friends throughout school until I watched my daughter’s kindergarten class.  What an eye opener!  My daughter would occasionally come home in tears.  I looked for bumps and bruises to explain the tears, but the pain didn’t come from an external wound.  The pain was lodged   internally.  “Mommy, Sally played with Betty and left me out.  It hurt my feelings!” And tears would flow.  Sometimes she would report through gulps, “Mommy, Gretta wouldn’t let me stand in line with her.”  The Momma Bear reaction would rear its ugly head because this was kindergarten! Friendships and love are supposed to come easily to little girls!  Instead, just like in adult women, little girls have struggles with female friendships, too.

Why is demonstrating friendship and love to the women around us sometimes so difficult?  There are many reasons that can explain this strange tension:

• We don’t want to get hurt by revealing too much
• We don’t want to get involved in someone else’s life
• We have too much on our own plate so we don’t want to reach out of our comfortable circle

Yet, women are lonely and desperate for friendship.   How, then, can we move beyond the pain that friendship can bring and step into intimacy and fellowship with other women?  We must look to the author of friendship and love- Jesus.

The Bible tells of four ways that Jesus showed love and friendship.  First, Jesus demonstrates His love for us by gently, consistently pursuing us as seen in Hosea 11:4   Next, John 13:1 tells of Jesus loving us regardless of knowing that He would be betrayed and denied.    Third, despite being hurt by our rejection Jesus forgave us in Luke 23:34.  Finally, Jesus lived looking to “Thee” (God) rather than to “Me” (Himself) by laying down His life for us in Matthew 27:50.

The women around us will fall short of our expectations.   But, through Jesus’ example of love we can move beyond the hurt and into an incredibly rewarding friendship.  There are women all around us who are looking for someone to be their friend.  They feel like the adult version of the kindergarten girl who isn’t invited to play.  Offering friendship does not have to be a chore or one more thing to do.  Rather, we can start small and then later increase the outpouring of friendship to others.

I met my best friend the summer before our college freshman year.  She has taught me much of what I know about friendships and women.  Here are her words written to me after I moved and married.

I’ve found a new friend since you went off and got married and settled in Jackson.  Of course she’s way too quiet, zero personality, not as huggable, never funny, allergic to pizza and ice cream, gives terrible advice, and is not nearly as good a best friend as you.  What can I say?  I’m very lonely here without you!

Reach out- be a new friend.  May you all find your circle of friendships increasing as you practice Jesus’ definition of love and friendship.

No matter where you live it is very easy to get caught up in the running around of day-to-day living.  Moms are taking kids to school, sports practices, and after school classes.  Dads are commuting to work and coming home tired.  Young adults- singles- immerse themselves in the fun side, the get together side of life and we wear ourselves out.    We yearn for “simpler days”.

This summer, as I do every summer, I ventured out of Southern California to the Rocky Mountain West.  Both sets of my kids grandparents live in Wyoming and for two to three weeks, my family partakes of the “simpler days”.  During our time in Wyoming I learned three lessons:

1)   ‘Tis a gift to be simple

2)   Entertainment does come cheap

3)   Simplicity allows us time to listen to God

As a young girl I church I remember singing a song with the lyrics, “ ‘Tis a gift to be simple, ‘tis a gift to be free.”  I think we probably sang that song once a month and the words didn’t really catch, until as a 37 year-old with children, living in fast-paced Southern California I became tired.  While on vacation in Wyoming, I became aware that I had fallen into the “stuff-trap”.  I believed my life would be richer and more full, perhaps look more accomplished if I had the right stuff.  However, what I realized is that stuff takes work and time and complicates life, rather than makes is simple.  Simplicity is a gift.  It is freedom.  Stuff ties one down while simplicity frees one up.

The second lesson I learned while watching my kids and their cousins participate in a simple game.  Actually, it was a game I thought was gross, but they loved it.  Often times while at my mom’s house, we eat lunch and dinner on the front porch.  One night after eating a wonderful dinner, my family was  sitting around as the kids ran about.  First one kid, then another came to us and said those dreaded words, “I’m bored.”  My mom got the brilliant idea after one such complaint to create a game for her grandkids.  Mosquitoes are abundant in Wyoming and so my mom said to her grandkids (six participated) , “The one who gets the most mosquitoes in five minutes wins a quarter.”  You would have thought she had offered a million bucks.  The kids shot off in search of mosquitoes and began stockpiling their finds.  I’ve not laughed so hard in a long time.  Calls of “There’s one!”  “I got three!”  “Wow, there’s a ton!” echoed through the night air as kids competed against each other to get the most mosquitoes.  Entertainment does not have to be expensive or planned, it just needs to be creative- as creative as catching mosquitoes.

The final lesson of hearing God I learned while my family spent some days in the mountains at our grandmother’s cabin.  Grandma passed away this last winter leaving a cabin in the woods.  The cabin is simple, built out of cast-off material.  Electricity is available, but phone is not.  Indoor plumbing makes life easy, but that is where the luxury ends.  However, what the cabin lacks in modern day convenience and luxury, it makes up for in memories of sharing meals together, enjoying outside activities together and listening to the mountain silence, which isn’t silent at all.  Grandma didn’t have television installed at the cabin.  The TV that is in the cabin is old and hooked up to a VCR only.  There are no radio stations; I don’t even believe there is a cd player, yet her grandkids enjoy the cabin immensely.  Why?  It is simple.  It is freeing, it is away.  My husband and I started each day with a discipline of silence.  Our kids, ages 9, 6 and 2 looked forward to it.  I looked forward to it because there was no sound except for nature and I allowed God to whisper.  I sought His wisdom and I felt His peace.   I freed myself of distractions and came away refreshed.

Friends, simplicity is satisfying.  If you are feeling unrest in your life, figure out when the last time was that you felt free.  Think about what it is that has cluttered your life and your soul.  Take stock and take the challenge of finding the gift of simplicity in your life today.

The weeks leading up to the taping were a frenzy of painting the exterior of the house, planting, pruning and weeding flower beds, cleaning the smallest corners, touching up normal people smudges on the wall, moving furniture, purchasing odds and ends, and striving to portray the “right” image to the public.  Did all the frenzy matter?  Or did the purpose of the taping (helping couples communicate about finances) get lost in the desperate push of my two troubling friends?

I don’t believe the frenzy mattered.  During the taping, the sun didn’t cooperate.  This meant that we couldn’t be interviewed on the pool deck at the table that had been placed just right so that my only really pretty patch of flowers could be used as an incredible backdrop.  Instead, we had to tape in the front yard where Sage, our dog, lives…where I didn’t have time to get to…where Sage had done her business.

Did all the rushing around matter when our family table was moved and crumbs that had secured themselves under the feet lay exposed?  I don’t think so.  You see, for all my rushing around to please my two frenemeies, my lack and weaknesses were still exposed.  There were still crumbs on the floor I had cleaned and scrubbed and vacuumed time and again.  There were still dog droppings on the front lawn because I didn’t have time to complete that one thing.

While it is a good choice to be prepared and welcome people into a clean home, what matters more is the heart.  When Chris and I received news that we were chosen for the finance segment for Nightline, we began to pray that God would shine.  We prayed that His peace would be present.  We prayed that despite our weaknesses, God’s strengths would show through.  But then those very noble purposes  and prayers were pushed into the dark corner as my frenemies spoke their “truth” that I needed nicer porch furniture, more flowers and cleaner carpets.  I listened more to the frenemy “truth” and less to God’s truth and I became grumpy, argumentative, and discontent.  I feared that people I didn’t know would have a bad image of me because of my things.  Things, by the way as Matthew 6:19 tells us will be destroyed; things that will pass away rather than leave a lasting impression. 

Friends, I battle the discontent/image war almost daily.  I get sucked into the lie that my home isn’t “good enough” and forget to thank Jesus that He gave my family a home that our friends feel welcome in.  I look at my possessions and begin to ruminate that “if only I had ________” then my home would be nice.  I don’t look at the fact that we own all our furniture and can afford to eat out and go on vacation- I focus on my supposed lack.

I have learned many lessons through the taping of the ABC Nightline finance segment.  I would go through this experience again and again because I enjoyed it immensely.  I have learned that Jesus’ light is the only thing that matters and lasts.  I have learned that extending hospitality to people who are more often away from home than at home goes a long way in being a witness of Christ.  I have learned that Jesus purpose will prevail, even more so if we set our weaknesses aside and allow His strength to shine through.