Intentional Parenting
My oldest child, Timothy, turned nine in January and I marveled at how quickly the time had gone. However, a few days after Timothy’s ninth birthday I became gripped with pain as I thought about my son. Timothy (as I mentioned earlier, but it apparently didn’t sink in for a while) turned NINE, which meant that in NINE years Timothy would be turning 18 and completing his SENIOR year in high school. My son’s full-time-in-my-house life was HALF over!! Tears came to my eyes as the realization sank in. Nine years is not that long- just look at how quickly the previous nine years had flown by!
When we are in the thick of parenting: the diapers, sleepless nights, being pulled in twelve different directions, and rarely eating a warm meal, it seems that time stands still. I remember looking at the clock some nights willing the minutes to zoom by so that my husband could come home and relieve me. I still do that some days. Days blur followed by months blurring into each other, which leads to years blurring into each other. And then one day you look up out of the parenting fog and realize that the precious time of parenting children is drawing to a close and a new chapter of children becoming adults is opening up. And your heart aches.
My heart has already started to feel a little of the ache as I look at all three of my children. The mantle of parenting is heavy and sometimes we want to cast it off, but according to my mother (her oldest just turned 50!) you never finish being a mother, thus you never stop being a parent.
Parenting requires more time than we were ever told when we were pregnant. It requires a skin thicker than an armadillos, and it requires constant thought and intentionality. Our children have been givent to us by Jesus. They didn’t just appear in our family, God chose them for us. If God chose to give us our children, doesn’t it make sense that we honor that trust by being intentional with what we teach and how we mold our kids?
The authors of A Woman’s Secret to a Balanced Life put forth the idea of raising children who, “know, love, and desire to follow the Lord.” I echo that idea. How do we intentionally help children “know” Jesus? We talk about our relationship with Jesus. We surround them with friends who know Jesus. We take Jesus out of the church and into our daily lives- that is how they can come to “know” Jesus.
What about “lov(ing)” Jesus- how can we intentionally do that? We allow our children to watch us worship Jesus through music in our home or books we read. We talk about Jesus being present now, thus our children don’t think they have to love some far off God that they don’t see. We converse with Jesus and praise, thank, and appeal to Him in front of our children. Perhaps the most important aspect of showing our love for Jesus is loving those around us-all those around us.
Knowing and loving Jesus are easier to do than the third item: desiring to follow Jesus. A 20-something friend of mine put out a question of Facebook, “New question burning in my mind– “why go to church?” 75% of people leave church after turning 18. Why? What needs to change?” 75% is a huge, really a mind-boggling statistic. For a mother who deisres that her children follow Jesus after they leave the nest, 75 is a scary number. I believe that the answer lies in prayer, example and encouragment-not judgement. Jesus answers our prayer, so being now praying that your children will desire to follow Jesus every day of their life. Show by example how much Jeus means to you in your life. Let them catch you reading the Bible. Allow them to “overhear” you and a friend talking about your relationship with Jesus. Share some of the struggles you had when you weren’t following Jesus. Most importantly, enter into their world without judgement, rather as a guidance counselor. If they like Toby Mac- get them Toby Mac CD’s- even if it isn’t your kind of music. I can still remember my mom listening to my Christian music as she ironed. She didn’t like it, but she wanted to enter in to my world-that was well over 20 years ago! She made a huge impact on me wanting to follow Jesus my way because the Biblically correct songs weren’t her style, but she was willing to enter into my world.
Believe it or not, our time as a full-time parent is short. One day there won’t be toys to pick up. One day the house will be still. One day we will wake up and feel an ache in our heart because our children have moved into adulthood. I want to experience that ache with satisfaction knowing that I parented with intention, don’t you?
