Three Words To Live By

Legacy Living

Three Words To Live By

July 29, 2008 contained an extraordinary amount of pain for me. Actually, the weeks prior to and a couple of weeks proceeding July 29 contained times of pain. July 29, 2004 my dad went home to the Lord due to a massive heart attack. He didn’t suffer, for which we, his family, were greatful. He didn’t waste away slowly, another blessing we acknowledged. He didn’t undergo extreme lifesaving therapies and again we, his family, praised the Lord for that. Dad just quietly slipped away into the Lord’s hands. His passing, though, brought about a voracious amount of emotions. The first two years following his passing, my pain and grief were at times too hard to bear; not just for me, but for my family who bore the pain with me. By year three, I had come to accept my dad’s death and so July 29, 2007 went by quietly. However, the pain came gushing back this year, year four and I wondered why.

As I reflected on my dad, I gained some understanding of why his death, his departure from my life, hurt so bad four years after the fact. My dad exuded wisdom. His wisdom was at times “supernatural” and as I mature, I want him to speak his wisdom to me, which he can’t do. However, I can take what I remember and go to the place where he obtained his wisdom, the Bible, and begin learning on my own. There were many areas of my life that my dad spoke wisdom into, but three stand out for this season in my life: words, focus and priorities.

Words play a key role in our lives. We use them to build up, or tear down. We use them to convey our knowledge, or lack thereof. Proverbs 29:11 says “A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.” When I am angry, do I want my words to portray me in a wrong light. Do I want to be seen as the fool? Proverbs 11:13 gives another example of the portrayal of words on the speaker, “A talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter.” Again, how do I want to be portrayed? Do I want to be seen as faithful, or a talebearer (gossip)? My dads last conversation to me was not a goodbye speech, rather he in his wisdom exhorted me to think about how I speak and what I speak about.

Focus is a trait that I long to perfect. I am naturally a multitasker. It is sometimes bothersome to my husband when he is talking to me and I’m doing the dishes, telling the kids to brush their teeth, and pulling cookies out of the oven all while I’m listening to him. I am able to focus on all those things, but sometimes (only sometimes) I miss a key statement from my husband because I’m not putting all my focus on what he is saying. It is very easy in our fast-paced lives to loose our focus. What is it that God is calling me to do? Which task do I really need to give all my attention? Proverbs 4:26-27 says “Ponder the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established. Do not turn to the right or the left; remove your foot from evil.” Chances are that we do not knowingly put our foot in evil, but what is taking our attention away from that which we need to focus on? My dad would often ask me why I was doing X or Y. He often encouraged me to find those things that I needed to focus on, and focus on only those things. He knew my propensity towards getting sucked in to all kinds of things, and he tried to guard me against that.

The final piece of wisdom from my dad, making right priorities, is one of the hardest pieces of wisdom to live out. I have dreams for myself, my kids, my marriage and my friendships, but those dreams cannot be accomplished at the same time, I have to prioritize them. I desire to accomplish my dreams, but that can take the priority off my family. I often fill my time with things that really aren’t a priority or help me reach a dream, they just make me look good to others. Six months prior to his death, my dad had several heart to heart talks with me about my priorities. He reminded me over and over that my kids and my husband needed to be the priority, not this dream, or that job. He would remind me that the kids would grow up and then not need me or even want me. I didn’t listen too well to his words then, but they have permeated my thick skin since then and I’ve begun to put my husband and kids first. That is not to say that I don’t pursue my dreams-I do, but I endeavor to keep it in line with the priority of my family.

Though he is gone, my dad’s legacy of wisdom continues. Perhaps this is why I miss my dad so much, I want him to see me living out what he taught. Though many of you did not know my dad, you can live out a piece of his legacy. Together we can daily pursue wisdom by asking ourselves three questions, questions my dad would ask: How am I speaking? What is my focus? Where am I placing my priorities?